Gotcha Day

When adopting a child, it can be hard on families to decided how to let that child know that they are adopted. So one way a lot of families are doing this is by celebrating a "Gotcha Day." I don't think it's what you want to call the day to the child, but you want to celebrate the day you brought them home every year and honor the fact that they are adopted.

On Today.com, writer Jacoba Urist wrote an article about how "Gotcha Day" can be bad on teens that are adopted and how it may put a negative affect on their adoption process, but families with adopted children who celebrate the day say that it is all good. Amy Rogers of Bellevue, Washington, who adopted her 14-year-old daughter, says "they have to see a family celebrate or live it to understand that 'Gotcha Day' is an important part of an adopted child's story. That day is as much of a miracle as birth" (Urist, 2013).

So like with everything else, it may not be something that works out for all families. It's something you may have to try out. But for the most part, it's a great way to celebrate your adopted child.

Taylor M.

Urist, J. (2013, November 07). 'gotcha da'y celebrations spark debate among families who adopt. Retrieved from http://www.today.com/moms/gotcha-day-celebrations-spark-debate-among-families-who-adopt-8C11545542

Video Post

I found this video in you tube and it had almost 500,000 views. It also came out in a lot of shows, showing the importance of adoption. It really gave me the chills when I watched it and it brought me to tears. I just hope that one day I have a little piece of the heart that this two parents have. They have so much love for each other and for their kids. The world makes you see that you should have a perfect looking family but for some people helping others and giving unconditionally love is a perfect family. Hope you guys enjoy it!



http://youtu.be/rztYMMhMT2Y

                                                                      Jessica Madrid

Learned Optimism - A coping strategy

This video talks about Learned Optimism which is derived from Martin Seligman's book called, Learned Optimism. This is a coping strategy to positively cope with the fall through of the adoption process.

Pessimistic Explanatory Style

1. Personal
2. Pervasive
3. Permanent

Optimistic Explanatory Style
1. Distancing
2. Disputation (dispute)
3. Distraction


Seligman , M. (2006). Learned optimism: How to change your mind and your life. New York: Vintage Books.

We had a question in our blog;

What can you do to help adopted children bond with other children in a family?

One of the most important thing when adopting a child is falling in love with him, giving him pure love, and treating him like your own. It matters a lot if you fell that way about your child because most likely your kids follow your example. The bonding between siblings and child is as important that the bonding that exist between parents and child. Bonding doesn't come from one day to the other, it requires a lot of time spending together as a family, doing different activities such as eating together, going to bed, and having fun together.

It does not matter how close or how far the children in age are, they are still sibling and their behavior with one another is going to affect their life in the future.

I want to share with you 5 suggestions that are really going to help how important it is the bonding between sibling and of course how to help children on feeling this bonding with each other:

1) Create and use a family journal: Once a week, get all together in a family meeting to discuss things that were put in this journal throughout the week, discuss the problems that you have in school or just have a theme ready and talk about it.

2)Seek therapeutic help for serious sibling and family conflicts: Professional help must be seek if a child is seriously affecting other children in the family with their attitudes or behavior, at the end of the journey those sibling might be able to bond again.

3) Make certain each child gets individual attention and affection: It is important for parents to understand that children who have been adopted are more sensitive to certain situation, so parents needs to be very careful of their wording and time spent with each child. This will prevent from children getting in fight with each other.

4) Model and promote open communication: In this situation as children get older they become more quiet and really don't have an open communication with other siblings. Parents need to be active listeners and be able to text email or call child, that way is easier for them to communicate with brothers and sisters.

5) Provide chances for your children to interact with similarly situated peers: Take adopted children to sessions with other peers in their same situation that will help them be more open and communicate better.

 

Family is not simply your blood family, but is the people you live with everyday. The same as siblings are not only who are blood tie, they are all your brother and sisters that you have a family with and interact with. It is also important to recognize that it first has to start with a good relationship and education from the parents, they have to be able to be active listeners and be able to recognize different situations and problems that their child are going through.

Jessica M. 

Understanding Teen Adoption

When adopting a teen there can be some issues for the parents and the adopted teen. It is never a bad idea to get help from counselor especially when you and your adopted teen cannot seem to meet common ground. There are many books out there that can help you and your family with adoption, a book I recommend to help with adopting teens is "Beneath the Mask" - Understanding Adopted Teens by Debbie Riley, M.S., with John Meeks, M.D.. "Beneath the Mask", has a great book layout that is easy to read and make it very easy to find the chapters that focus to your teen adoption needs. The layout of the book is divided into 7 chapters as well as an index and glossary in the back that really make it simple to find the topic that interests you. The glossary is very helpful for adopted parents to understand the language of the book as well as the language they might have with their therapist. The book is  written for therapists and parents; using case studies and treatment directions. "Beneath the Mask" is not to teach parents to be therapists but that it outlines the direction into therapy that has shown to be the most effective in teen adoptions. What is really helpful about the book being based off of case studies is that it gives adopted parents a window into other adoption cases. The book gives many case examples that go along with each chapter, this is helpful to stay in tuned with the chapter. In addition the book helps with parents who are stuck in rut with adoption issues, this is done by breaking down the complex issues of  teen adoption, explains adopted teen's need for identity, and how therapy can be very helpful for the family to build bonds together. I recommend this book for parents with adopted teens, it is simple read and is very helpful. 

- Amelia Gallegos

Attachment and adoption…. a New Frontier

There are usually a lot of questions and concerns about attachment between parents and newly adopted children. Many children often come with backgrounds of abuse, neglect, or a feeling of ambiguous loss and these experiences can often leave children feeling scared, vulnerable, and unable to trust.  All of these aspects can make attachment difficult but we will talk about some of the things that adoptive parents can do to help their newly adopted children overcome these hurdles and begin to cultivate a secure attachment to each other.

Riley and Meeks in their book, Beneath the mask: Understanding adopted teens, listed 6 of the most common issues and concerns that teens have and can keep them from becoming securely attached. (Riley & Meeks, 2005)

These are:

·      1. Feeling different (either from the family or specific physical traits)

·      2. Wondering why they were adopted (speculating if they were given away)

·      3. Not having information about birth parents

·      4. Being uncertain of personal identity

·      5. Wanting to be loyal to adopted parents/family but curious about birth parents/family

·      6. Scared that being ‘abandoned’ could happen again

All of these issues can hold children and teens back and one of the best ways to overcome them is to participate in counseling. Most adoption agencies will require the continuation of counseling that has been occurring for children waiting to be adopted.  Counseling can help adopted children talk about the feelings they are having and can help them understand them. (Singer, 2008)

Ambiguous loss can really be difficult for some kids. They haven’t lost someone to actual death, but they have been given away or have been taken away from a parent that they have bonded with. This is another issue that can be overcome through therapy.

Another way to overcome these roadblocks is to be open to children about talking about their birth parents. In cases of abuse, it would be advisable to talk to a counselor about when this would be most appropriate.  (Singer, 2008)

-Kaela J.

Riley, D. B., & Meeks, J. (2005). Beneath the mask: Understanding adopted teens. Silver Spring, MD: The Center for Adoption Support and Education.

Singer, E. (2008). Assisting Adoptive Families: Children Adopted at Older Ages. Pediatric Nursing, 34(2), 170-173.

Understanding and Measuring the Cost of Foster Care

This book is primary talking about the costs of foster care adoption and all the details that go between costs and after the child has been adopted. It’s stating that it is bad for future parents thinking to adopt to base their decision only in cost because kids cannot be viewed as an object that you can buy. The costs of foster care adoption can vary depending on the area you are located at. There are a few concepts to consider in measuring the direct cost of adopting a child which are;

Age of child – usually if the child is older the adoption cost is greater. From the time that they start walking all the way through adolescence.

Regional Parts of the Country – if living in the north side of the country, children are going to need winter and summer clothing and usually leaving in the Northeast is less expensive than in other parts of the country.

Sex of child – There is a say that boys never stop eating when they are teenagers and girls require larger wardrobes.

Family composition – the bigger the family and the closest those siblings are the less expensive it is.

In fact, adopting a foster care child, can be more expensive or the same as having your own. Foster parents believe that most food, clothing and medical expenses are reimbursed but that is not always the case. This book is only focusing on one area, and other foster parents may be very different than that ones from this study, it is also focusing on secondary date sources which to their point of view are the best way to get a perfect sample. The cost of having a foster care child can depend on the lifestyle that the foster parents are used to living.

Five of the most important factors that influence quality for foster care adoption are as follow;

The change in standards

The relationship between foster car and welfare

The policies that different agencies have

How much the foster parent group is growing

And the reaction between payments and costs in foster care

How well the book aligns with research: I think this book is very good at showing real date from the real world, it has been tested more than once and they use secondary data which are people that have been through foster care adoption to estimate the cost.

The quality of application: The application of this book is excellent with real examples showing the true cost of foster care adoption.

The quality of writing: The writing in this book is very precise, it has a lot of pictures, date, graphs and tables showing today’s research and it also has a very easy way to understand the point of the book.

Culley, J., Settles, B., & Van Name, J. (1975). Understanding and measuring the cost of foster care. University Of Delaware

Jessica M.